I am feeling....

TORN between two totally different places which mean a lot to me and I'm constantly fighting it at this moment as to what to do. 

Note to reader I have been thinking of this blog for a few days but I just didn't know how I wanted to say everything so I had to hold off and make sure it would be right... 

Here we go... 

First off North Carolina, your one of my fights, I often feel like I want to pack all my stuff up and move back home to you where I was born and raised up at.. Where almost all of my family is living at and everything I ever knew is at.. So it's just a safe place for me I guess we could say.. 

Then there is California which we just moved too and it's a brand new beinging for us all.. We don't know a lot of people and it's a totally new place all the way around.. 

We have been here in California for right at five months, which has been a pretty good five months, we are still getting settled in to the new state and learning the way around and getting everything set up for us to be here.. Still haven't gotten mine or Stevens drivers licenses but we did get a California phone number.. 

We miss our families back home so much it's not even funny but we are handling it pretty well with text, FaceTime, Facebook, Phone Calls,and any other form to stay intouch with everyone! 

We have enrolled into school, which mom has completed and now has her GED, Steven and I are still enrolled and will take us until about June or July could be a little longer but we will be done this year.. which we have stepped away from for the moment to try and figure everything out, but we are leaning a lot towards going back into schooling before we loose our credits for the class we are almost done with.. 

Moving back to North Carolina we would be completely starting over again, which would be getting into school and starting from the bottom, which we are almost done here.. We will probably be back in school Monday tho and get this schooling done.. 

Going home seems like a easy way out for us, since we are kinda in a struggle we don't have a car or our own place and even jobs at that, but you can't just have those things over night.. Which we are starting to see better and understand a lot clearer.. 

When we get upset or mad the first thought is oh well I'll just go home but we don't have the money for that and the money we are going to spend to drive home will be more then just buying us a car and really being able to enjoy California, we always seem to work those thoughts out tho and we aren't often mad at anyone around here.. 

But when 10 people are living in the same house you know things will happen you don't like and others don't like but it all seems to work out in the end.. 

Steven has a job which is Denny's and he is enjoying it pretty good, he is talking to the managers about maybe moving up to be a waiter and that will get him more money not hourly it will stay the same but becoming a waiter he would be making his hourly wages plus tips which could become a pretty good amount of money.. 

Mom has applied to some jobs and is waiting to hear back from them.. when she lands a job it will be a lot better on her to be able to get out and do something and make her own money each day.. 

I have applied to a few jobs but haven't heard much anything back I am wanting to really finish up schooling before I get a job but I am seeing that I need a job then I can just go to school around it because my unemployment will be running out soon and I have to at least have some type money coming in.. 

We have been talking to Jeffrey about buying his Hatchback Honda and that way at least we have a small car for like going to school and being able to go a little further to find a job, which would save us a bunch of money a week since riding the bus and trolley is around $30.00 a week for the two of us.. 

We don't want to move home we want to give this a real chance and be able to enjoy it here, although I hate the heat I can deal.. So the main focus is us being able to finish our schooling and get jobs which we are doing.. 

I know I talked to many people and some I might of told you I hated Califorina but a lot of those talks come when I am pretty angry at something or just having a bad day.. It's hard being in a new place don't get me wrong but you have to give it a longer try then five months to see if it will really work out for you.. 

Needing my own home is something I am wanting so that I can get back to the ways I have always done things but I know that will happen in time, can't rush things like that.. I have truly learned that if you rush into a new place or whatever without fully checking into it you'll hate it.. 

Which I have said to many people including the people we live with that California is too high in price for me and my little family but then I am reminded that the pay here is higher so it all is balanced out.. The min wages here will be going up to $9.00 come July so that will be a good thing to look forward too, which I am hoping to have a good job and be making more then that by then but we will see.. 

I really need to work on this Routine stuff and get Lynn into a type of routine so that we can get her ready for school, which I really hope she is going to enjoy! 

But to be back on my subject here.. I am very torn on to weather or not I wanted to move back home or stay here in California but after some talks and figureing things out I believe we will give it some time and see if we can work our way up to having the things we had back home!! 

We want our families to have a vacation place they can come out too and see us and enjoy a different state!! 

I hope you enjoy this blog today but please note it is very hard to write with small children lol, they keep side tracking me.. So I might have repeated some of my stuff but idk.. Hope you still enjoy it and I'll be posting again SOON!!!! 

Your feedback is always welcome!